This article is historical, it dates back to 16.9.2012, but it is still worth publishing. It is good to be exposed to his ideas which, I dare say as a (newly) gnostic, have certainly not gone cold. But, if you feel fear of these (Neo) Gnostic ideas, don’t linger here. No there is no pessimism in these ideas, but a cold touch of the real world. Thank you.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. The earth was at first barren and desolate. Then Life was created. I walked alone in the garden of Heaven’s Creation. That garden of Creation was blooming with all its flowers, and my admiration belonged to the Creator of all, and I felt peace in my soul, even though I knew that the moment of return had come. A return to a place where I would get the opportunity to learn and deepen my humanity and the chance to know and rejoice, but also to know the tears falling from my eyes as I felt loneliness and sadness, fear and destruction. Being human will be great, but do I have what it takes? To go back again and search and explore and learn? I knew that I would talk to Him about it, that I would also look to Him for the answer. The questions kept coming and I just focused on how I was going to start, I knew He knew everything and my prayer flew like a sharp arrow into His love. And the more I focused on Him, the more I gave up out of fear. Why would I feel fear of God, why would He be different than what I know Him to be, He is good and I had that in my heart for ages. The coming of the King of Creation, meeting His love And then He came, His royal majesty and wisdom reaching so deeply that I felt the desire to let the tears flow.
And then I committed myself to speaking, „Do you know what I fear most? That when I accept the destiny of being born again, that I will not be able to seek You, that the carnal mind will prevail in me, and I will only waste the life that is a gift, and I will not be able to learn anything, and most importantly, I will not meet You. I cannot repress this in myself. I am afraid of the ordinary everyday, of the black and white prophet in me.“ I lowered my head, afraid to look into his eyes, so much was I subject to learned fear. In heaven and fear, where does the man go for that, but what’s wrong with a healthy fear? Even in eternity I have lost none of my sincerity. „I quite understand your sadness and don’t worry, even if you lose me for a time, the true love in you will be awakened, do you think I can forget one single person who is lost from my love?“ Then He looked me in the eyes and I understood, the last time I was returning from my pilgrimage, as life was called here, I felt the same, but His light welcomed me and I, with tears in my soul and what I saw behind me, did not have to be afraid, He was always there, and love was something His heart overflowed with, no boundaries could be set, no, He was always first in love and wisdom, for He was the firstborn of all creation, the image of the invisible God, the essence of love and its source.
It is impossible to set limits to God’s love, no matter what people think, His wisdom always exceeds them. And Jesus Christ is that precious cornerstone of unconditional love. I tried again, a little timidly: „You know, what I fear most is myself and my choices, how easy it is to take one wrong turn in life and go astray forever, sometimes one action will affect your whole life and that’s what I fear, myself!“ He looked at me and didn’t give me an answer right away, it was from His heart that flowed a stream of love that had no end. And even though He said nothing, that love spoke clearly – how else would you want to learn to be human, after all a million lessons are sometimes not enough and you want to have adventures in your heart, to learn love and to know and to exist, after all even in heaven you learned. Then he actually added: „Don’t worry, the way home is always clear and by the way, when I find you again and you answer me, then you will experience my love again to the fullest, I love you and you are dear to me every day, as the Cherokee say, next time it will be better.“ And then I took a deep drink from the Lethe River and stepped into the hard life.